i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
