Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
