he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
