God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
