What did we do last night that was yellow?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
