i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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