Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
