Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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