I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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