Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
