Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
