I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
