I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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