k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
