I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
