broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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