Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
