1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
