he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
