the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
