reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
