Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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