Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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