I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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