im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
