I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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