Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
