So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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