Me too!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
