Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
