my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
