I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
