Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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