Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
