hotel room ftw
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
