Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
