I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
