I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
