just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
