Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
