My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
