I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
