When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
