sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
