Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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