She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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