I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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