Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Jason_Statham hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(425): View more from Washington

Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.

Fav 112 1702 4644
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(563): View more from Iowa

He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.

Fav 22 1110 4469
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"

Fav 5 1456 2715
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs

Fav 3 1318 815
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

Fav 7 1885 659
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(817): View more from Texas

It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.

Fav 3 1774 1240
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?

Fav 8 1147 902
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(716): View more from New York

I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.

Fav 1 106 17
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(561): View more from Florida

My alcoholism is old enough to drink.

Fav 0 37 27
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