someone owes me an orgasm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
