I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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